7 Characteristics of People with High Self-Esteem

In psychology, the term self-esteem has been defined as a person’s overall and specific positive and negative self-evaluation. [1] Having high self-esteem means that you regard yourself positively. This implies the following self-esteem characteristics:

1. You’re self-compassionate

Rooted in the Buddhist tradition, self-compassion is described as the tendency to be caring and understanding with yourself rather than being harshly critical or judgmental.

Being self-compassionate is being gentle, supportive, and understanding whenever you make a mistake. It’s having a kind and loving relationship with yourself. [2]

Self-compassion is one of the most important self-esteem characteristics because the way you treat yourself determines your self-esteem. You believe that you have inherent worth, despite your flaws. In that sense, self-compassion is closely intertwined with self-esteem; if you’re self-compassionate, then you’re likely to have high self-esteem. [2]

Acts of self-compassion, such as being kind and accepting of yourself, lead to self-love.

Consequently, feeling love for yourself encourages you to learn more about your interests, values, and personal traits. Considering this, it is no surprise that another characteristic of people with high self-esteem is self-awareness. [3]

2. You have a thirst for knowing more about yourself

Imagine you’ve just met your significant other. You feel a strong attraction to them, and you want to know everything about them. Similarly, if you harbor a high level of self-love and self-esteem, it will enhance your interest in knowing yourself. True self-love means that you can accept every part of yourself, even your flaws.

A deeper understanding of your family dynamics and how it has shaped you can lead you to embrace your dark unconscious side. This is popularly known as shadow work, and it’s based on Jungian psychology. Increasing your self-awareness can improve your well-being and your relationships with others.

3.  You’re capable of establishing genuine relationships based on love

If you have high self-esteem, then you feel satisfied with your abilities, personal traits, and physical appearance. These positive emotions about yourself allow you to express similar emotions towards other people. Self-compassion also determines the love you feel for others and will consequently impact the quality of your relationships. [4]

For instance, if you perceive yourself with high regard, then you would not feel the need to criticize or put others down as a futile attempt to feel superior. You would rarely feel envy, anger, or jealousy. Instead, you would be kind and supportive. You would feel positive emotions —love, compassion, and tolerance. This leads you to develop relationships based on mutual respect and love.

4. You’re constantly working on inner-growth

If you love someone, you’d want them to thrive in every aspect of their lives, wouldn’t you? Similarly, if you love yourself, you will strive to become the best version of yourself. High self-esteem allows you to do this because you can humbly evaluate your thoughts and behavior. It enables you to look at your flaws directly so you can work on them.

Let’s consider a specific situation.

Mary tends to be impulsive; she says the first thing in her mind without considering how her “brutal honesty” can hurt someone. On one occasion, she hurt one of her friends by expressing judgment. Her friend felt attacked and confronted her. Instead of apologizing,

Mary justified herself and kept expressing judgment.

If Mary had high self-esteem, she would be able to recognize her mistake and apologize.

She was unable to do this because recognizing a flaw within threatened her weak self-esteem. Instead, she creates a false image of herself based on perfection as a way of overcompensating for her lack of self-esteem. This is not a self-esteem characteristic —it’s a narcissistic trait.

Being able to look at your dark side with self-love also allows you to cope effectively with challenges and negative feedback. [5] This takes us to the following self-esteem characteristic:

5. You’re resilient

Resilience is “the ability to bounce back from adversity, frustration, and misfortune.” (Ledesma,2014). Plenty of research has established self-esteem as a predictor of resilience. [6]

Having positive emotions of affection and joy directed towards yourself promotes positive feelings such as contentment, satisfaction, love, and affection. These emotions can help you infuse adverse events with a positive meaning. This perspective makes it easier to bounce back after an unpleasant event.

This takes us to self-esteem characteristic #6.

6. You’re optimistic and hopeful

People with high self-esteem have had experiences that make them that way. According to William James —a prominent figure in the development of Western psychology — self-esteem is determined by the ratio of things attempted (pretensions) to things achieved. His formula goes as follows:

That said, self-esteem is determined by the amount of positive and successful outcomes you’ve had. When you’re doing well, and everything works out for you, you’ll have high self-esteem. This will boost your self-confidence, and it’ll push you to achieve more. [7] 

However, if you constantly fail, then your self-esteem will be affected. Assume, for instance, that Mark, a student with low self-esteem, has a difficult algebra test the following day. His low self-esteem makes him pessimistic —he expects a poor grade.

Consequently, this affects his motivation and his will to study. Sadly, Mark’s lack of effort reinforces a poor grade and further intensifies his low self-esteem. He has fallen into a negative cycle of failure. [8] 

William James also argued that self-esteem is an important aspect of mental health. Plenty of research backs this up. [9] This takes us to the final and most conclusive self-esteem characteristic:

7. You’re psychologically happy

Having an overall positive perception of yourself leads to feeling love for yourself and others, joy, satisfaction, compassion, hope, and optimism, as well as resilience and the ability to cope. [10] These positive emotions and traits diminish negative emotions associated with mental health ailments — such as depression and anxiety.

Considering that, people with high self-esteem characteristics often score highly on measurements of general well-being and mental health.

Source: Ryan Roby, co-founder of Improvement Savvy